Damn You Joel Feinberg
by Please submit your
Summary: Penny's drug-addled candor knows no bounds. Sheldon-centric kinda lemon.


_**WHOA WHAT IS THIS CRAP.**_

_**Well, I realized I always promise lemons but never deliver (mwahahaha) and decided HEY I'M ON A BBT KICK LET'S DO THE DANG THING so I wrote literally the most un-graphic and least-hot lemon ever made.**_

_**Why? Well I can.**_

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She was drugged—that was the first thing he thought as her hand slid onto his. He jerked the wheel, thankfully only moving a minute amount as he was going a mere fifteen miles an hour. Perfectly fast enough, he ventured.

His heart, already racing at the hazardous act of driving, thumped erratically at the warmth of her little hand on his. It barely covered half of his sweaty fingers, but it was almost scalding in its intensity. Penny looked over at him, eyes bright in the darkness of the car.

She was drugged—he thought it again as her leg began to move in a strange way. Not suitable for a car, anyway—the gear shift was in the middle, but she paid it no mind as she slid her left thigh out, leaving her passenger foot-space in favor of invading his own. This was disconcerting, as he was attempting to drive and her foot added to the mix of his own confused lower limbs only made things infinitely worse.

Sheldon inched down to ten. Ten miles an hour was much safer. People honked and passed him, but he was more focused on that warm little leg interfering with his fearful, hesitant driving. He pulled off the main road onto a side street, not far from their apartment now.

She was drugged—it was a brief thought in his mind as her bottom followed her leg, slipping across to land partially on his right leg and partially on the center console. He could still see perfectly fine, but to say he didn't panic at this intrusion and yell out a mess of complaints would have been a lie. She cried out once when she jostled her arm too much, but quickly regained her grin and excitement as she eased onto Sheldon's lap.

"You can still see, can't you?" She was close enough, back pressed hard against his heaving chest that he needed only nod and she could feel the motion of his chin dipping against the pit of her shoulder and neck. Her laugh tickled him.

She was drugged—he had to remind himself now as what had started as innocent fun turned into something else entirely in his mind. The road had taken second place to the ideas running through his head, which wouldn't have been a problem had they not been severely affecting a part of his anatomy. And what's worse was that the woman causing these rampant fantasies was pressed intimately close to this piece of his anatomy and was able to feel every minute flinch as it hardened.

Sheldon slowed to five. Five miles an hour. Surely that was sufficient, and they were almost home. She was rubbing against him, too enthusiastic, and he burned for her.

She was hot—oh, he couldn't stop thinking it now as he pulled off the road and put the car in park. His lips had found her shoulder and trailed to her shoulder blade—a piece of human anatomy he would never have found erotic on anyone else. But this was not the first time he'd thought of Penny this way, and surely was not to be the last. Her bottom was round and plump on his lap, flexing with each movement of her hips, and his right hand gripped hard on the general location of her "courage" tattoo. The other pressed into her waist and ventured higher to her breast.

Her moans filled the car as her expert hand—the uninjured one—traveled down to do wickedly wonderful things to him while simultaneously pushing aside all of their barriers. How she'd done so, he imagined he would never figure out.

She was wet—oh, he couldn't stop thinking it as he pushed up into her. She sucked him in and the woman atop him stilled halfway through, hand on his chest and hissing. After a moment of regaining herself, she sighed and sank onto him. He wrapped one hand around her middle and the other went to the apex of her thighs. Sheldon roughly forced himself into her body and licked at her exposed shoulder.

The car horn startled them both for just a moment as she accidentally pushed against it. They let out breathy laughs, made eye contact, and resumed, somehow more intimate and comfortable than they had already been after the interruption.

She was home—that was all he could think of when he climaxed just as she did. He couldn't imagine being up to the hilt in any other woman—not that he'd ever thought about it before, not realistically, but now he'd been awakened to realize just what he wanted and who he wanted it from. Penny was superb in every way—his own proton, and he could only hope this lowly electron would be allowed to be this intimate with her again. The smallest stirrings of love formed in his heart.

He craved it, some deep primal part of him, and he gripped her close and furiously whispered her name into her ear as he came, losing himself in the blissful sensation of being buried inside her as far as he could go.

She was drugged—he thought it again, and nausea rolled over him like a wave as he watched her slip to her rightful side of the car and promptly fall asleep. Though he'd loved the encounter, the pretense under which it had taken place had felt thoroughly degrading to her. The consent was dubious at best, and though the sound of his name on her lips as she screamed out her orgasm was still ringing in his ears, Sheldon felt ashamed.

He drove her home at that safe fifteen miles an hour.


End file.
